


Leo Goes to the Coffeeshop

by Doriites, flowerfortunes, Pkmblack303, smalldragon, UNIkittyz



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Modern AU, Multiple Authors, THIS IS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL, chromtrol >:3, help this is ridiculous, kinda not really, or should i say, sorta - Freeform, why does nobody ship f!mu and charlotte cOME ON
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-06-01 21:30:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6537010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doriites/pseuds/Doriites, https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerfortunes/pseuds/flowerfortunes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pkmblack303/pseuds/Pkmblack303, https://archiveofourown.org/users/smalldragon/pseuds/smalldragon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UNIkittyz/pseuds/UNIkittyz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo goes to Nohr Coffee where Camilla works, and stuff goes down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chopter 1 - Leo Orders Tea

**Author's Note:**

> this was written by four different authors at the same time so *robin voice* PREPARE YOURSELF  
> also there is a ship war between us so  
> good luck  
> -flowerfortunes  
> (the other authors will be added once they get AO3 accounts)

March 23rd, 2069. Saturday. There was a cup of cold coffee on the coffee table. The cup of cold cold coffee grew legs, eyes, a mouth, ears, and eyebrows then screamed at the big boobed barista named Camilla. Camilla killed the “Spider” Coffee with a Fly Swatter. It broke into many pieces and the coffee was splattered everywhere. Then Takumi enters the shop saying “ Oh shoot! I'm here again! “ as he sits himself next to the dead “spider” coffee. Leo was just behind Takumi and he went to the counter to order something different besides his usual coffee. Instead of some stupid basic coffee, Leo grabs himself a fancy caramel frap. He then realized that he was on diet, so he got a green iced tea. As Leo ordered his tea, Camilla raised her eyebrows. “What's gotten into you, brother? Why aren't you getting plain boring coffee 9000?” She inquired. Leo’s face then turns into one of a guilty one, and confesses to Camilla, “ this isn't for me, it's for my beloved Takumi, I cannot stand seeing him with Hinata, I shall take him back under my wing! “ Suddenly, there was a crash on the other side of the room. Hinata had burst through the window, looking rather serious. He pointed at Leo. “YOU,” Hinata shouted, and then struck a dramatic pose. Takumi buried his face in his hands, groaning. Not again. He didn’t need those two nerd fighting over him . Leo screams back yelling at Hinata “ NO! YOU!” As he glares at Hinata, Takumi grabs Hinata’s hand, breaking Leo’s heart for a second. Then, grabs Leo’s hand making them both very confused. Takumi then grabs both their heads and smacks their heads together yelling “ STUPID! I HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN THE ONE THAT I LOVE “ Hinata and Leo glare at each other and as they glare, Hinata grabs a Pineapple from the air and says “This is the one that I truly love “ as he smiles. As soon as Hinata uttered those words, a blue and orange blur tackled him. Hinata screeched in shock, dropping the pineapple. Leo caught Takumi and wiggled his eyebrows. “Hello my love,” Leo purred. Niles walked across the room (where did he come from???? We dont know) and softly pulled Leo away from the hoshidan prince. “Milord this is not a good time,” Niles said. ODIN STOOD ON THE TABLE AND YELLED SOMETHING ABT HIS ACHING BLOOD. Hinata was on the floor, with obrobro on top of him, attacking his hair? “HOW DARE YOU TAKE LORD TAKUMI AWAY FROM ME!! YOU KNOW I LOVE HIM MORE THAN YOU,” Obrobro screeched. Hinata pushed her off of him. “UM NO I LOVE HIM MORE,” he shouted, his signature grin on his face. “NO I DO,” Leo shouted over both of them. “MY ACHING BLOOD,” Odin yelled again. Niles picked odin up and walked out of the cafe while everyone was staring. Camilla groaned. Why does this happen every time Leo decides to order something that isn’t plain coffee 9000. “WELL YOUR CAPE IS SUPER UNFASHIONABLE, LIKE WHAT EVEN IS THAT THING?? U DONT DESERVE TAKUMI” Oboro screeched at Leo. “Gasp,” Leo gasped. That was it. Camilla had it UP TO HERE with this BS. She stood on the counter, ominously holding a giant broom. “SHUT UP YOU WHINING BABIES!! THIS IS A COFFEE SHOP, NOT A WAR ZONE,” Camilla roared, brandishing her broom. “Wait. But you’re yelling too,” Hinata pointed out, brushing the coffee grounds off of his pants. “Yea could everyone just CALM THE FUCK DOWN,” a soft voice growled. Everyone turned around to see Sakura???????? “Woah Sakura what did u just say???” Hinoka said. Camilla had a confused look on her face. “Wait what when did you guys get here?” She said. “Oh I called them over here to give me a ride home,” Takumi stated matter-of-factly. They then all ran out and jumped on hinokas pegasus. Hinata shed a single tear. “Goodbye my love,” he whispered. “Sayounara,” Obrobro said softly. “Ok but you do know he left his bow here,” Leo pointed out. “He’s going to come back here.” Everyone stared at the fudgy yummy. Then they glared at each other. They all knew what everyone was thinking. Hinata, Leo, and Obrobrobro dived headfirst for the bow. All their heads knocked into each other's and they all passed out. Camilla was fucking relieved.


	2. Chopter 2 - Leo defends his Tomatoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo and the others are hospitalized from the fight. Leo gets some unexpected visitors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im screaming how does this have so many hits  
> -flowerfortunes  
> (cw for drug mention)

Hinata, Leo and Obrobrobro have been transported to the Hospital via Helicopter because apparently the Coffee Shop is located in a remote location on top of a mystical mountain. Once they arrived at the hospital, they were revived in separate, luxurious rooms. They all had a large flat-screen TV to watch “action and romantic” movies. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) if you know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) They also had the option for room service, which served things like a rich green tea, to a square watermelon. Leo woke up to a square watermelon on his lap. He screamed in terror. “ WHAT IS THIS ABOMINATION???” the blonde marth yelled, throwing the gourd across the room. It hit a tall figure squarely in the face. They screeched and fell to the floor. “Corrin????? Are you ok????” Said niles, who was standing in the doorway. Leo narrowed his eyes. “When did you two-” “ THREE” Odin yelled, cutting off Leo and popping his head into the room. Leo sighed, “Three get here?” “Just now. We totally weren't watching you while you slept,” niles said, helping corn up. “Niles?!?!?” Cotton groaned indinantly, straightening (lmao) his cape. “Oh,” Leo said.”WE BROUGHT YOU TOMATOES!!!” Odin cheered, holding up 5000 tomatoes. Leo smiled. They really knew him well. They pour all the tomatoes onto his bed. Leo is content and chomps on some of the tomatoes in front of his face. Niles leans against Corrin’s shoulder. “Hey corn, ur cute,” He whispered very loudly. Corrin was alll blushu blushu and said, “I love u too tiles.” Odin stuck his leg directly into the air. “Oh yes,” he screamed. The sheer awesomeness of that statement made Leo accidentally throw the tomatoe. ODIN STARTS CRYING AND BLAMES HIS ACHING BLOOD. Leo puts his face in his hands, mumbling curses. Niles and Corrin dont notice bc they are The Gayest™.“ Mmmmm Niles, I love ur big muscley man tiddss” says Corn very seductively. “Oh corn, you’re making me swole” says miles. ODIN JUMPS IN BETWEEN THEM AND STARTS SCREAMING. Suddenly HINATA COMES IN. “I MUST GET MY REVENGE,” he said, grabbing leos tomatoes, and running, his hospital gown fluttering in the wind. “????????” Leo said. “¯\\_(ツ)_/¯” Odin said. Leo clenched his fist. “That pineapple fricker got my tomotoes,,,, he will pay,” Leo said. Niles and Corn were still being very gay. “HEY TWIN,” a high pitched voice yelled. Corrin looked up and groaned. “Not her,” he groaned. “It’s ok, my sweetie cornbread,” Niles said, stroking Corrin’s sofft soft white hair. A tol girl was running down the hallway with a smol boob lady walking behind her. “Hon, pls slow down,” the boob lady gasped. “BUT MY BROTHER I GOTTA SAY HIIIIIIIII,” Corrins twin said. She turned around and embraced her brother, knocking Niles to the ground. Corrin grunted, “Hi Kamui….and Charlotte.” Niles groaned “Oh…. is this going to be a threesome?” Charlotte glared and him and kicked him in the side. “Dont you fucking dare talk to my girlfriend like that, you disgusting little worm baby,” she growled, which seemed sorta shocking bc she looked all dainty and stuff (besides the thunder tiddies). Corrin pushed Kamui off of him but continued to lay on Nile cuz his man titties confy. What is with these dragons and tiddies? We will never know. “Um, hi?” Leo said. Kamui perked up, “LeEO!!! How are you?? Did you finally get that beautiful pinapple baby’s heart?” She paused, and looked at his bruised head. “Or no?” “UUUUGH DONT REMIND ME” Leo groaned. “His stupid dogs got in my way.” Kamui looked extremely confused. “Dogs? When did….” Kamui uttered. Charlotte stood on her tippy toes and whispered in Kamui’s ear. Kamui’s eyes widened. “OOOHHHHHHHHHH,” she said. “WHO ARE U CALLING A DOG,” yelled a familiar voice. Obrobrobrobro came down from the ceiling, in full armour, holding her naginata. Leo stood up, also suddenly in armour, holding his trusty weapon, Broom Hold. Odin yelled and ran away because of his aching blood was too achey. Kamui and Charlotte looked excited yet terrified. “YOU GO TINY TOMATO LION BABY, U CAN BEAT THIS BLUEBERRY BABY,” Kamui cheered. “FIGHTFIGHTFITHGFITHGFIFITHG,” Charlotte yelled. Niles and Corrin were too gay to notice, on the floor, Corn’s head gently resting on Niles’ beautiful mantiddies. “Azarath Metrion Zinthos!” Leo shouts, casting spells at Obrobrobrobrobro. Marijuana plants start growing all over the hospital room. Blaze it. Obrobbro cuts all the plants down but then loses because you know why not this is not going anywhere. Niles and Corn are still very gay, under the plants. Charlotte and Kamui are just shocked. Leo does a fancy victory pose and transports to the Nohr Coffee shop. Everyone is there for some reason. *illuminati theme starts playing* Camilla screams “WHY ARE YOU ALL BACK HERE AGAIN!!!???” She picks up her broom and stands on the table, ready 2 fight. What will happen next???? Stay tuned to this really great fic to find out. >:3c

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> petition to get everyone to ship f!mu and charlotte 2k16


	3. Leo is Back at the Coffeeshop For Some Indiscernible Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why are they back here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im screaming, two of the authours stopped writing with us so now its me and just the dorito  
> \- gryffin (flowerfortunes)

“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE, Camilla exclaims, “IF YOUR ARE HERE, YOU BETTER BUY SOMETHING BEFORE I SLIT YOUR THROATS AND FEED YOU TO MY DOGE-DRAGONS!” Suddenly, the cafe shakes and a pineapple appears. “oh shit! “ all heads turn to Takumi and he screams. Kamui made the >:3c face and pushed Leo into Takumi. Takumi screams and Hinata and Obrobrobro tackle Leo. Niles and Corrin are under the coffee table, making funny noises. Camilla glares at them. “DID YOU READ THE SIGN?????? IT SAYS NO PDA HERE, ONLY IN THE LOVE CLOSET,” Camilla roared, pointing to a ornate pink door. The couple shrugs and head over there. Kamui giggles and pretends to gag, Charlotte rolls her eyes. The pineapple is on the floor under a dogpile. “GET OFF ME,” he yells and pushes Leo, Hinata, and Obrobrobrobrobrobro off. Hinata whimpers like a puppy that just wants love. Obrobrobrobro barks. Kamui starts bouncing up and down. “CHARLOTTE U WERE WRONG HE H A S THE DO G S,” she squeaked, leaning on Charlotte, shoulder. “Ok I guess youre right,” Charlotte laughed. Odin sticks his leg into the air and screams. Leo is still laying on the floor. Obrobrobrobrobro and Hinata start running around the room yapping at each other. Niles pops his head out of the closet and yells, “FURRIES!!” “Yes u called?” Keaton said, walking into teh coffeeshop with Kaden. Camilla slumps onto a couch, her face in her hands. “Why can’t I have a NORMAL day for once,” she muttered angrily. “Nya,” Kaden nyad. “What the fuck Kaden youre a fox, not a cat,” Keaton growled, placing his (furry) hands on his (furry) hips. “Why nya-t,” Kaden said going all :3c. Camilla layed down on the floor. She is done. Goodbye. Then a heavenly light shines in Camilla’s face. Hinoka walks in. Camilla looks up, and then looks down to the floor because she is STILL done. “What the is going on here? Why are you all on the floor??” asks Hinoka. “MY ACHING BLOOD WAS TOO MUCH FOR EVERYONE” screams Odin. Leo faced down on the floor, mumbles “Odin, you make no fucking sense.” Hinoka raised her eyebrows and glanced at Takumi. “Is everything alright?” she inquired. Takumi angrily looked up and shouted, “NO EVERYTHING IS NOT OK I AM ON THE FLOOR AND PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING SO,,!!” Hinoka was unfazed by her tiny brothers screeching. “Ok,” she stated. She walked over to Takumeme and hoisted him up over her shoulder. “Bye nerds…..and Camilla,” she said, putting on sunglasses and jumping on her pegasus. Camilla got all blushu blushu and started screaming into the carpet. Kamui and Charlotte sat down next to her and patted her soft glorious lavender hair. “Shhhh its ok sis, you’ll ensare that cutie eventually,” Kamui cooed. “Yeah, it was a similar situation with us lmao,” Charlotte said, starting to braid Camillas hair. Camilla just made some inhuman noises into the carpet. The closet burst open, Niles riding a dragon, aka corrin. “COME ON LETS GO CATCH TAKUMI,” Niles cheered. Corrin just roared. “NO NILES YOU’RE GONNA EMBARRASS ME!” Leo yelled. He then glared at Hinata and Obrpbrobrobrobro “AND YOU GUYS RUINED MY CHANCE TO GET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE” Obrobrorbrobrobrobrobrobrobrobro rolled her mauve eyes sassily. “Whatever,” she said, swishing her hair and walking out out of the cafe. “Yea we gotta work together to get milord, love him or not,” Hinata stated, placing his hands on his hips. Camilla stuck her leg into the air, for no reason. Kamui just nodded. Everyone (including Camilla) stood up and rushed out the door after Niles and Corrin, on the search for the Takumeme and Hinoka.


	4. THE LOBSTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> enter the lobster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> doriites didnt contribute to this chapter fIGHT ME NOW (it was mostly me and kyla, whos getting an AO3)  
> -flowerfortunes

Everyone is going after TacoMeme and HeNoCa. Meanwhile, Takumi is sitting behind his sister on the flying horse thing ( heh ). He is confused and doesn't know what to do. And as he thinks about pineapples, he hears a dragon roar faintly behind him. Takumi then taps in his sister asking “ Did you hear Corrin in dragon form? Or was it just me… “ Hinoka told him to shut up as she adjusted the sunglasses on her face. As a few more minutes pass, Niles screams. “ TACO MEAT! ITS YOU! “ Corrin just screams. Takumi panics and screams in Japanese. “THERE FUCKING HELL JESUS.” Takumi yelled, pointing at niles riding corrin. “Hey at least it's just Corrin, my speed stat is way higher than his,” Hinoka shouted over the wind. Takumi nodded. BUT THEN ANOTHER DRAGON BURST THRU THE CLOUDS!! “AHAHAHHAAHAHAHA,” she screeched. Hinoka whipped around, “Shit, not kamui???? HER SPEED STAT IS LEGENDARY.” Kamui screeches again, flying close to Hinoka. Hinoka decides to go land on a beach that was nearby and everyone behind her landed soon after she did. “ Woah! Why are you guys all following me?!?!” Hinoka is confused, and she sits on the sand to think. Meanwhile, Takumi dismounts himself and takes a pineapple ring out to eat, and as he eats he feels eyes staring at him. He looks around to see OBROBROBRO, Hinata, and Leo inches from him. “Oh n- “ “HE’S MINE!” Screams Obrobrobro, as she pushes Hinata who falls on top of Leo. Obrobro is about to kiss Takumi on the cheek, as Leo and Hinata yell slowly “ NOOOOOOOOO “ And as Obrobro is a centimeter away from Takumi’s face, a red thing in the sand pinches her leg and says “ Don't touch the brother, he is not made for you! “ Obrobrobro screams and falls on top of Leo and Hinata. Then, A HUGE PORCUPINE, LOBSTER, PINECONE THING EMERGES FROM THE GROUND. “ I AM THE ALMIGHTY RY- “ Ryoma is then interrupted by Xander who runs him over making him fall face down on the sand. Xander yells “ TAKUMI! WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER I MUST SPEAK TO HIM AT ONCE! “ Takumi has a straight face and looks at Xander’s feet. Xander screams “ AHHH! I KILLED A LOBSTER! “ and he flies away into the sunset with his precious golden locks. Ryoma gets up and spits out sand in his mouth and says “ NO XANDER MY LOVE! “ and he dives into the ocean as a lobster and chases him into the sunset. Then, it is quiet for a few seconds and everyone stares at Takumi and all tries to grab him all at once, well everyone there but Camilla and Hinoka who are watching all of this go down. Camilla was sweating intensely, her face as red as Hinoka’s hair, not making eye contact. “So...aha..how’s the weather been in Hoshido?” she stammered, playing with her lavender locks. Hinoka pushed her sunglasses up all anime-style. “Its been cool. Not as cool as me tho,” Hinoka replied. “Y-yeah….wait what,” Camilla stuttered, placing her hand over her mouth. Hinoka laughed, it was so beautiful. As beautiful as a summer’s day. “Hey, Camilla, there’s something I want to tell you,” Hinoka said, running her calloused hands through her cherry-red hair. Camilla tensed. Was she? Did she feel the same? “So, like I was saying, would you want to come to the sakura festival with me? I mean yea it’s just a huge festival for flowers and shit and also it happens to be Sakura’s birthday bbut yea….hey is that a new shirt?” Hinoka rambled, making 0 eye contact (well she was wearing sunglasses so). Camilla placed her hand on Hinoka’s shoulder. “O-of course, darling,” The tol purple princess replied. Hinoka blushed brighter than one of Leo’s prized tomatoes. She started silently screaming. “Woohoo!!!” they heard a high voice from above. “Elise get down from there,” Camilla scolded, placing her hands on her hips. Elise, the youngest sister of Nohr, was flying with her hair like a helicopter. “Awww,” Elise protested, flying down and landing next to camilla. “Lol bye,” she said, and joined in w/ everyone attacking Takumi. “NO NOT ANOTHER ONE,” Takumi shouted over the crowd as he was enveloped by his fans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry  
> but heeey caminoka


	5. Chapter 5 - ????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what

Meanwhile, back in Hoshido where Azura is taking care of Midori and Kana, “ NO MIDORI! DONT SHOW KANA YOUR WEED COLLECTION!!! HES JUST A CHILD “ Midori giggles and opens up her bag revealing multiple bags of weed. Kana gasps and falls asleep. Azura takes Midori’s weed and says “ No Midori, I know you like collecting weed, but this isn't good “ Midori is confused and screams. “AAAAAAAA,” Midori screamed. Azura picked up Midori’s weeds and said, “I’m giving this to Setsuna. You're never getting it back.” Azura walked out of the room to Setsuna’s room. Setsuna was laying down on the ground covered in what seemed to be a bunch of books that fell off the shelf. “Hey Setsuna have these weeds,” Azura said, holding the bag out for the blue haired archer. Setsuna lazily looked up at Azura, an irritated expression on her face. “ For the last time Azura, I’m not into…” Setsuna paused, opening up one of the bags that fell onto from out of the bag. “Wtf Azura these are just dandelions,” she muttered. Azura put on sunglasses and backflipped away shouting, “lmaaoo gotcha, I guess you aren't the ocean’s grey waves.” “Thank you…” Setsuna called after her. “That's so sweet of her...how did she know I love dandelions??” leg . Kana then wakes up screaming “ When is it 420 again!?! As he looks around furiously for weed, then knocks out again. Somewhere, Kaden nyas loudly.  
In Nohr………  
Leo is in his room, reading books. Niles and Odin burst into the room without permission. Leo scowls, and tries to hide the book he’s reading. “Heeeey Leo, what do you have there?” Odin inquires, an (adorable) grin on his face. “Odin pls. He’s probably just reading a detailed account of Takumi’s private life,” Niles said nonchalantly, looking snarky as ever. Leo rolled his eyes, placing his book on the table as he stood up. “I was just studying,” Leo muttered, glaring at his retainers. “Oh ok,” Odin sighed, walking towards the door. As quick as lightning, Odin whipped around and snatched Leo’s book, and jumped away with his samurai/sorcerer/chosen one/whatever the frick he is Skillz™. “SIRE!! MY GAYDAR IS TINGLING!!!” Odin shouted. “HEY!!!!! THATS ME BOOK!!!!” Leo shouted, grabbing for the mysterious book. As Odin clearly saw the cover, he burst out laughing and fell to the floor. Tears were forming at his eyes. “How to make him fall for you in a fortnight??!?!? REALLY LEO???? Even I’M not that desperate,” Odin sputtered out between raucous laughter. Niles smirked, crossing his arms. “Poor, poor Leo, resorting to such cheap tactics just to get a chance to ---- -- - - - - -- --- - -,” Niles paused angrily, clenching his fists. “Lol did Nyx do the censor spell again? Lmaaaoooo Niles u got OWNED!!!!” Odin snickered. Niles just rolled his eyes. Leo even laughed a bit. He grew serious again, crossing his arms. “Odin……...give me back my book,” Leo growled. “Or there will be no more forge naming priveleges for you.” Odin screamed in horror. “NOT THAT,,, ANYTHING BUT THAT,,” Odin howled. Niles even looked a little shocked. “Milord really?????” Niles scolded. Leo grumbled, “I’m your lord. Give. It. Back.” Odin whimpered and gently handed the book back to Leo. The prince snatched it away and shooed the two other men out. It was time he got some peace and quiet. As the two left, Leo locked the door, so nobody would come in unannounced. He sat down on his luxurious purple velvet chair, relaxing into his book. He had 10-15 minutes of solid reading, with no disturbances. This book fascinated him, and he hoped it would help him in his efforts. Suddenly, he felt a prescence behind him. “Oniiiiiiiiii-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaan,” a kawaii voice eerily twittered. Leo whipped around, to see Elise standing behind him. “ELISE!!! HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE???” Leo screamed, recoiling. “>:3c” Elise replied, and then disappeared. That was weird. Leo shrugged, and sat back down. That was probably just a figment of his imagination. Shrill giggling pierced the silence. He looked up. Elise was hanging from his lamp by her hair. “Lol hi,” she grinned. Leo groaned. “Elise stop it, I’m trying to read,” Leo grumbled. Leo decided it was time to go to sleep. Leo jumped up to grab Elise and throw her out of his room. “Tomorrow, I will get that booty” leo says to himself, as he lays down in bed and dreams about his future pineapple husband. But suddenly, bAM!!!! A HUGE DRAGON CRASHES THRU THE ROOF!!!! “KAMUI WHAT THE FRICKING FRICK????” Leo shouts, awakened from his dreaming. Kamui turned back into a human and frowned. “Yo, sorry, I was practicing flying and then I fell in here,” She replied. Leo grumbled and picked her up and threw her through the roof, the tiny dragon lady screaming. Leo sighs, and lays back down, going back to his dreaming.  
Back in the coffeeshop….  
“Damn this. Why am I working night shift AGAIN?” Camilla grumbled while absentmindedly cleaning the counter. “I dunno. Maybe to make up for the mess our friends made,” Selena replied, working the espresso machine. Camilla glanced over at the redheaded merc, and gasped. “Selena!!! You know you’re not supposed to make coffee for yourself right now!! You’re not on break!” The lavender haired princess scolded. Selena shrugged and continued making her espresso. Camilla absentmindedly was organising the biscotti by the register, even though they had already been organised by Beruka like 10000 times. Today was a slow day, not many people were buying stuff to drink, and some of the only people who came to the shop made a HORRID mess of things that she and her gal pals had to clean up. Like seriously, what was their problem? Camilla didn’t know. Hopefully the next customer would be a sane one.   
Then, at that moment, a soft bell dinged as two people entered the coffeeshop. Selena looked up from her coffee, and Camilla stopped organising the biscotti. As Selena saw who had entered the shop, she scoffed, rolled her eyes, and looked back down at her drink. “Hey Sev--” said Lazlow, but was cut off by Selena’s mega stare of death 9000. He laughed nervously, touching the back of his earring, and coughed, “S-Selena. And Camilla, you’re looking fine today, if I say so myself.” “>:3c” Peri added, striding over to the counter, with Lazlow following. Camilla laughed lightly, not an entirely genuine laugh but still a laugh. “My, my, Lazlow. You look quite dashing today as well, did Odin compliment your hair again? It looks extra groomed,” Camilla purred, with a devious look in her eyes. Lazlow’s eyes widened, a blush creeping up onto his face, stammering, “I,, uh,, what???” Peri cackled loudly, almost falling over and narrowly missing knocking Lazlow to the ground. “UGH JUST GET ON TO THE ORDERING, OKAY?” Selena groaned, like this was something that usually happened (it was). “So, what would you two like?” Camilla inquired, her tone calm. Lazlow opened his mouth as if he was about to speak, but Peri cut him off, “Peri would like to have a COTTON CANDY Italian soda, with whipped cream and cherry sauce on the top because it reminds Peri of BLOOD!!” Selena was about to protest, “But that’s such a ridiculous--” But Selena was cut off by Peri’s harsh look, and tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Selena put her head down and shut up. “That’s a wonderful order, Peri,” Camilla said, and then she turned to Lazlow. “How about you, loverboy.” Lazlow gave Camilla a withering look, but then said, “I’d like a Caffè Americano, please.” Camilla nodded, “That’ll be $3.50.” Lazlow pulled the money out of his floral wallet, and handed it to her. The duo made their way to a table and sat down while their drinks were being prepared.  
3 minutes later…..  
“Italian soda and a Caffè Americano. The objective has been cleared. Please collect your beverages,” Beruka called, placing the two drinks onto the Pick-Up counter. Lazlow sauntered over, and grabbed the two drinks. He placed Peri’s drink on the table, which said pink-and-blue haired girl started to drink swiftly. Lazlow set his Americano on the table, and turned around to grab his laptop. As he was about to set it onto the table, his elbow knocked over the cup. The brown liquid spattered over the ground, staining the white lace tablecloth. “GAH,” Lazlow shouted as he furiously tried to clean up the mess. Camilla whipped around, hearing the sound. As her eyes honed in on the sheer mess that the grey haired man made, her expression hardened. Lazlow saw her face, and backed away in horror. Camilla then leaped up onto the counter, with her signature broom, Bolverk, gripped in her hands. She pointed it at Lazlow. “OUT,” she shouted, jumping down and advancing towards the terrified dancer. Lazlow bolted out of the shop, while Peri was giggling. Camilla grumbled and started cleaning the stains. Beruka and Selena came over and helped, grumbling because this was the THIRD BIG MESS THIS WEEK THEY HAD TO CLEAN UP. Oh well. At least somebody finally bought some drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote too much of this chapter wHOOPS  
> -flowerfortunes


	6. Chapter 6 - cries forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the raijin katanya

Camilla spent the whole night cleaning up Laz-hoe’s mess. “WHY IS THE STAIN NOT GETTING OUT OF THE LACE?!?!” Comila screamed out loud. She poured a gallon of heavy duty soup over the stain, butt that didn't even removed the stain (“No not my tomato soup!! It's my only can left ;-;”,Leo said.). She then decided to remove it by using “some” bleach on it. But as she was about to pour it into a squeeze bottle, she mis-aimed and spilled it all over of her lace. She was very shocked and kept pouring the bleach because she lost her mind. 5 hours later, and the lace is covered in BleachTM and now it has a yellowish-white tint to it. (The stain is still there after all of thy bleach) Camilla is now sitting down with the lace on her lap and she starts to cry. One of her tears drops onto the stain and it magically went away. She looks at her lace and she stairs at it. “Wha… WHAT. I JIST NEEDED WATER? WATER?! WATTERRRRRRR!!!!!!” Camilla goes to the sink and washes the lace with water and it's good as new. As she was cleaning, a high-pitched voice interrupts her work. “Could u pls stop using up all my water, I was having a shower,” the smol voice chimed. “Lilith this is my sink, I can use it how I want. You just are living here, you don’t even pay rent AND YOU EAT ALL THE MINI CHERRY PIES,” Camilla groaned. The smol fishe dragon popped out of the faucet. “But they’re so good,” Lllith countered. Camilla sighed and folded her arms. “My dude, those take like 10 hours to make,” she countered. “Sooooo they’re really good!!!” Lilith countered again. Camilla laid down on the floor. She was done with arguing with the fishe. Berkua walked into the room and gazed upon the purble princess. “Lady Camilla is Lilith bothering you again?” Berrlka inquired. Camilla just rolled over and made an inhuman noise. Suddenly, somebody entered the coffeeshop. It was HINATA and his Awesome Crew™ which was basically just obobrobrobrobrobrobrobro. They sauntered in and walked up to the counter. “Hey Camilla!!!!!!!” shouted Hinata, grinning rly wide. Camilla just screeched in response. “YOU BETTER BE BUYING DRINKS,” she shouted. Burger folded her arms threateningly. Hinata pouted. Of course!!!!! Why would we ever come here but to buy drinks???” Obobrobrobrorborbrorborbrobrobrorbrobro elbowed him and he yelped. “What was that for???? Anyway i want a double chocolate chip java frap. Kthxbye” and he walked off to get a table. Berky carefully stepped over Camilla, and punched the thing into the register however u do that. She looked up at Obrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobro and asked, “You?” Obrobrobro glared at Beruka and muttered something under her breath abt Nohrian scum. Beruka glanced at Camilla. “She doesnt want anything, she wants to pay already,” Camilla said. Obrobrobrobro nodded. Berooka said, “That’ll be 2 dollars.” Obrobrobro handed over the money and sat down with Hinyata. Kaden nyas in the distance. Beruka starts to make Hinaynya’s drink but then she growls, “Who ate all of the chocolate chips.” Lilith the fishe appeared from the sink. “Lmao sorry i made some chocolate chip cookies….wanna have some?????????????????” the fishe said, producing an entire tray of cookies. Hinaynya grabbed the tray and ran away. Camilla just shrugged, sticking her leg into the air. Kaden appeared and Nya-d aggressively.”what the heck Kadence,” Camilla yelled. “Um its KADEN,,,” Kaiden barked. “Whatever Karen,” Camilla said. Kaden just Nya's angrily and walks out.  
Meanwhile….in Hoshido… rYOma is flipping his luscious hair because he is a bad bitch. Tacoman gets smacked in the face and busts a nut. “What the fkuck, bro.” but ryoma doesnt hear, he is too busy using his BIG. MEATY. CLAWS. to swing his sword ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Leo appears out of nowhere because he is Madoka a magical girl and drops tomatoes from his pocket. He crouches down and tries to shove them back in. He is crying. “Ok WhaT The Fkvuk.” Takumii shouts. Why are there tomatoes. OH GOD THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. Leo finally gets the tomatoes back into his pocket and leans against a wall seductively. “Did that please you my love/” Takumi had to admit: that display of tomato sauce did make him EXCITED. BUT THEN. Leo is falling oh god why and lands on his bubble butt. Like a grenade going off, tomatoes burst out of his clothes and fall everywhere. Ryoma uses his hair to catch the wind and flies away, snapping his meaty boys. “HOW D ARE YOU FLIRT WITH MY BR TOHER?!?!?” Leo is scared. Takumi uses Leo’s fear to his advantage and runs away, only to faceplant in the middle of hinata’s hair. “Whoops,” said takumeme. “Hi mibro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Hinata shouted. Meanwhile, ryouma is being super threatening with his snappy claws. Leo looks into the camera like the Office. “I came here to have a good time but im honestly feeling so attacked right now,” he grumbles. Ryouma FLIES TOWARDS THE TOMATO MAN, BRANDISHING THE RAIJIN KATANYA. LeO RUNS FOR HIS LIFE, SCREAMIng. Xander is in the distance, sighing over the hot lobster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welchrom to hell, smalldragon >:3


	7. ??????????????????????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //repetition warning

obrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobrorobrobrobrobro flew into the sun, yelling, "NOHRIAN SCUM!!"  
the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry ive basically abandoned this fic whoops  
> thank u dreamythedark for the idea

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry for working on this instead of once upon an time i swear i will post the next chepter soon  
> -flowerfortunes


End file.
